Chalet went pretty well I think but I don't know how is it like for her. I swear I was damn happy to see her that day. We shared a little private moments together and I love it. Doing the decos together, even though it was just for a short moment. Apparently my mood went down hill again and I believe she's sick of it already. I dont know the reason why, but I can sense that she's mad at something at that moment. Pretty much for a while. I hope its not because of me.

Games started pretty late at over 12mn and we played all the way till about 7am. I have to confess that I actually lied on one question. I think i'm regretting it now but what's the point? Then comes the first impression game and there they go, trashing things out between themselves. I pretty much don't remember much of it except that I kept drinking and drinking and drinking till i pretty much lost track of things. I was very close to being drunk. After that they left.

I really don't know what is wrong but for the past week, she's been really un-interested in talking to me. Its like whatever msges i text her, she'd reply 1 short sentence. Like replying just to entertain you. I really want to know where things went wrong and if i can do anything to put it back on track. We're supposed to have a talk over the phone today becuz she's busy ytd. But judging from the time now and our text msg, I doubt it'll ever happen.

Her earlier msg told me that she's still pretty sick and being me who is overflowing with lots of care and concern for her, I decided to head out and purchase lemon and honey. Something which she doesn't have at home. I just wanna care for her on my own way, like her on my own way and love her my own way. But she doesn't seem to want to text me, talk to me or even see me. Is my way of doing things that difficult for you to take? Do you know something? It really breaks my heart if you were to keep suffering because of sickness, it also breaks my heart when you are like super nice to me when we're out together but only to treat me coldly when we're not and it breaks my heart even more thinking that you'll one day be in another man's embrace.

This reminds me of the dream i had last night. Apparently we were somehow out with the group in bugis and you started hooking your pinkie to mine while i was walking in front. Then from there we kind of hold each other's hand, oblivious to what the people behind were saying. That to me is just plain happiness. Something I yearn for, yearn for with you.

Even though you don't say it, but trust a cancer's sixth sense. It's as sensitive or if not, even more sensitive and accurate than a woman's intuition. You don't like me, period.

I'm just gonna sink deeper into myself. How sad must it be that I can't post this on fb because you'll see and I can't post this in twitter because my good friends would say smth I wouldn't want to hear. Sigh... I messed everything up badly